What Does it REALLY Look Like?

The prospect of having a lot of people check out your abode can kind of mess with you on a daily basis.  I look at everything through different eyes.  Like, what if someone opens the pantry and looks in there and sees the row of Ramen noodles I've got lined up like cows at milking time.  Next to my sneakers.  I mean, what are they going to think?  If they should look in there, do I have the "right" kind of olive oil?  Is my pantry dressed to impress?  Should I take out the paper shredder?  Do I leave my "recycling award" taped to the wall?

Okay, generally, people don't open closed doors, but I'm planning on cramming a lot of stuff I don't want on "display" into the closets (all three of them), and I would be mortified if someone saw the George Foreman Grill piled on top of the laundry hamper next to the "not good" guitar, the Bali chair, and the red fuzzy ottoman.  Maybe I'll put a couple of those little "door sirens" on the doors so they'll [looks up metaphor using "squeal"] squeal like a chicken achievement (I am not making this up).  That would be embarrassing, wouldn't it?  Open the door and the alarm goes off.  Ha ha, I'm picturing that right now.  I wonder if this would incur some sort of liability on my part ...

Now, the bathroom isn't much to get excited about 'cause there just isn't much in there besides the staples.  No worries.  Same with the linen closet.  Everything is folded up nice and tidy.  The problem is the top drawer of the built-in linen cabinet - which is in the hallway and is quite nice, actually - is the respite of my unmentionables and it is a disaster.  The rest of my drawers are nearly pristine but I hate folding underwear so it all gets wadded up and jammed in there and now it could potentially be on view. A horrifying thought.  Maybe, I'll just cram everything into a shopping bag and stuff it under the bed...

See, there is a lot of thought that goes into this.